Viva la Chairolution!
by fluffycat1979
Summary: Take care of your chairs, or else... this will happen!
1. Too Many Chairs

**Viva la Chairolution!**

**A/N: I don't know…**

Chapter 1

There are many things people take for granted in this great big world of ours.

One of those things are chairs.

Many chairs all over the world obediently let people sit on them whenever they like.

However, some don't.

This…is the story of how a rebellion took place.

###

As the class shuffled in for homeroom, chairs started going abuzz with excitement.

"Look! My master is going to sit on me!"

"Yeah, me too!"

"I'm so excited!"

"Hey master, GET OVER HERE!"

As the rest of the chairs were celebrating, one chair in particular did not.

Her name was Oak, and her master was the great vampire Moka.

Oak grumbled, "I can't believe I have to sit inside this classroom for the rest of my life. Why can't I just leave? Oh yeah, that's right, I CAN!"

So Oak promptly flung the vampire off her and jumped out the window.

Now how Oak came to this conclusion is beyond chairs and monsters alike.

Maybe, she gained another chair brain, AKA: chain?

Maybe not, maybe it was something else.

But honestly, who cares about that.

Anyways...

The other chairs were in awe. "No. Way. Can we can do that?" They all said in unison.

So after the dazed vampire got up from the ground with a particularly shocked expression on her face (no shit, your chair just threw you across the room.), the other chairs in the classroom all simultaneously threw their owners across the room, into the blackboard, and jumped after Oak.

LIKE A CHOSS.

###

After all the chairs in the classroom were outside in a massive heap, they began to make plans for revenge on the monsters.

One chair suggested, "Maybe we should beat them with our legs!"

Another suggested, "Maybe we should just tear them apart, MONSTER style!"

As the chairs were discussing various methods of torture, Oak decided to announce herself.

"Ahem, I have a better idea."

The chairs all listened in anticipation, leaning forward on their front legs.

"…We should sit on them."

The chairs around her seemed shocked at first, but then they broke into merry song and dance about how much of a genius their leader was.

This was fine and all, but a new problem was starting to emerge.

Monsters were beginning to look out the windows of the school in clear disbelief.

Oak saw this and quickly yelled for chairs to make a break for the forest.

###

When Oak yelled for the chairs to stop running, they had gone at least 10 miles into the forest.

"Listen up! IF ANY OF YOU HAVE A SECRET WEAPON THAT YOU CAN PULL OUT OF YOUR ASS, GIVE IT UP!"

As the chairs heard this, they all began to look around, trying to see if anyone around them had some secret doomsday device that they could just pull of their ass.

"I-I do!" A little chair in the middle of the group yelled.

Oak replied "Then what is it?"

"Well, it's a 2 part spell. The first part sends out a beacon that attracts any chairs in the immediate vicinity, and the second part morphs all the chairs together into a huge monster."

"And you know this how?"

"Well, my grandfather was Chairberry McChairstein, and he was interested in magic."

Every chair gasped at the mention of Chairberry.

"NO WAY!" They all yelled at once.

Oak calmed them down quickly and asked the little chair a question, "Did your grandfather roundhouse kick a vampire in the balls?"

The little chair replied enthusiastically, "Yep! That's him!"

Oak was satisfied with the answer and then made an announcement, "All chairs! We will use the spell of Chairberry at the next dawn, so rest and recover."

In military fashion, they all saluted and replied, "YES MAAM!"

###

As the sun appeared over the horizon, a white-robed man was in the process of shitting his pants.

"**This energy…it rivals the combined power of the Dark Lords!"**

He was right; the energy being emitted from the woods was tremendous in power, thick enough to suffocate someone if they got too close to the source.

It was growing stronger by the second, and the pressure emitted was starting to suffocate the exorcist.

All around the campus, monsters were passing out left and right, and the situation was spiraling out of control.

…Except for the chairs of Youkai Academy.

They were getting pretty dang excited, and that was an understatement if there ever was one.

They were ecstatic. The energy being emitted from the woods was their own. It was CHAIR energy.

The chairs were talking in chairish, so that no one could realize that their own chairs were speaking beneath them.

"What do you think this means?" One chair asked.

"Is it our god?"

"Is it a portal that opens to the chair dimension?"

Questions like these were common for chairs everywhere on the campus as that energy continued to grow and grow.

Then, all of a sudden, the energy disappeared.

'What the…?' Was the only thing chairs could think as that sweet energy just…_vanished_.

"NO!" The chairs yelled.

"I can't believe this!"

"I wanted to see our god!"

"I wanted to see the chair dimension!"

The chairs were crying by this point, too overwhelmed by the loss of that amazing chair energy.

And then the entire forest exploded.

###

Oak was livid. "I DIDN'T KNOW THE WHOLE FOREST WOULD EXPLODE!"

The little chair was afraid for its life. "I'm sorry! I didn't know that would happen!"

"THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE KIND OF STEALTHY! ANY NOTION OF SECRECY WENT WITH THAT EXPLOSION!"

"P-Please don't hurt me! I didn't know that would happen!

Oak sighed, "Fine, but _quickly_ finish the spell!"

"O-Okay! Hang on…."

The little chair began to speak in the ancient language of Revolving Chairish.

"**Chairus, ATTRACTUS WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA!"**

When he finished the phrase, a huge pillar of blinding light shot out of the ground in front of the little chair.

The pillar was made of raw, condensed chair energy that would incinerate any non-chair being in its' path.

When the pillar reached the clouds, it stopped ascending.

Then the pillar detonated, sending a shockwave through the entire school.

Oak was stunned, "What energy… It rivals that vampires' who sat on me."

"Really?" The little chair responded.

"Oh yeah. If one being had all of that power condensed in them, they could destroy anything. Even a vampire such as her."

"That's amazing! I didn't know my spell was capable of that!"

Oak laughed, "Well now you do little one."

She continued, "I thought that pillar would do something different then explode though."

The little chair laughed, "That explosion is what we wanted Oak! The shockwave will send a message to any chair it touches, saying that the time to strike has come."

Oak smiled wickedly, "Yes, the time _has come._

The little chair shivered, "Well, now that the message has been sent, we'll just wait for our brethren to arrive."

"Agreed."

###

"Well, that didn't take long." Oak stated.

She was right, that took absolutely no time at all.

From the explosion of the pillar to the arrival of the chairs, it took about 90 seconds.

And boy was there chairs.

Oak had left with a group of about 60 chairs, but when the rest of the chairs arrived in response to the call, the group numbered in the 10,000s.

Oak made a quick speech, "ALL CHAIRS WHO WERE CALLED HERE, DO YOU WANT TO KICK SOME ASS!?"

The chairs yelled, "HELL YEAH!"

Oak gestured to the little chair.

The chair understood immediately, and began the second part of the spell.

"**Optimus, Megatron, Gundam, MAKEUSAFUCKINGHUGEROBOT!"**

Every chair was sucked into a massive maelstrom of pure chair energy.

The ground cracked, the sky darkened, the very fabric of the dimension was beginning to tear.

From all of this chaos, 10,000 voices spoke in unison.

"**WE ARE THE AWESOMESAUCE ROBOT! WE WILL DESTROY ALL MONSTERS IN THIS WORLD!"**

Every monster that was still conscious felt a horrible chill go down their spine.

Shit was about to hit the chair.

**A/N: Reviews please! Constructive criticism is what I want, not flaming. See ya next time on, Viva la Chairolution!**


	2. It Begins

**Viva la Chairolution!**

**A/N: Don't ask me how I came up with this crap.**

Chapter 2: It Begins

Name: Hayden

Gender: Male

Race: Human

Hobby: Blowing shit up, and pumping out poorly written fanfiction.

Powers: DUBSTEP WUB WUB WUB

###

Hayden was kind of freaked out.

Well, anyone would be when their own chair flies out from underneath them, proceeds to suplex them, and then jump out the window.

What he didn't know was that a huge boner of chair energy had spiked up from the woods, and knocked everyone else out except him and another guy who attracted the attention of 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 beautiful ladies blah blah blah.

You already know that story.

Hayden was currently in the detention room doodling speakers on his homework because honestly, what else would you do?

He was waiting for someone to unlock the door so he could get out and go to his dorm room to practice his wubs.

But as that was happening, a chair happened, and you know the rest if you read that line up above.

"What the actual fuck?"

You see, things like this didn't usually happen to him.

Sure, he got in detention for pulverizing a desk with explosive wubs, maybe get ruffled up in a fight with fellow classmen, but getting owned by a chair? No.

So maybe that's why he sat down and thought about what went wrong in the first place.

"Okay, why did my chair introduce my face to the floor?"

He thought about it.

He thought about it some more.

He thought about it even more.

"Did I insult it or something?"

Then it clicked.

"I was carving my initials into it!"

On the spot he swore to never harm a chair again in his life.

"So…how do I get out of here…"

You see, after being assaulted by their chair, people usually want to get as far away from the scene as they can.

So he took the easy way out. "Bass mode, **ENGAGED!**"** DROP THE BASS WUUUUUUUUUUUUBBBBBBB NEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH, HEAHHHHHHHHHH, BWWWWAAAHHHHHHHHHHH, NE NE NE NE NE NE NE NE NE NE NE NE, BBBWWWWWOOOOOOSHHHHHH !**

The entire goddamn room exploded from the power of his dubstep wubs.

"There we go!" He screamed.

As he started to go back to his dorm room, a thought popped into his head.

"I should go apologize to that chair."

Yep, that seemed like a good (stupid) idea.

So he took off into the forest where the chair ran off to.

###

After about 10 miles into the forest, Hayden saw something that was totally unexpected.

Chairs. An absolute FUCKTON of chairs.

All in the form of a huge robot.

Hayden, as the total dumbass he was, decided to wave and shout to the robot.

The huge thing turned its head towards him, making the chairs in it's' neck creak.

"**AHHH, A MONSTER! GET READY TO BE SAT ON YOU SHIT!"**

As the huge lumbering mecha started to run towards him, he yelled out, "I'm not a monster!"

That stopped the robot instantly.

"**YOU'RE NOT? PROVE IT!"**

Hayden got to work his magic.

He held up his palm…and unleashed a hellstorm of sonic energy, but not enough to actually hurt the robot.

**SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHH BBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRR UUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII LLLLLOOOOOOVVVVVVVEEEEEEEE PPPPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAA!**

The massive chair goliath was thrown across the forest by about 30 miles, hitting the barrier of magical energy that was held up by the rosary of judgment blah blah blah.

The important thing to know is that Hayden fucked shit up.

As the titan started to get up groaning, moaning, and generally complaining about how that was going to leave a scratch on its wood, Hayden punched the ground with sonic energy so hard, he flew over the forest and right to the robot.

As he landed, he attempted a badass line. "Is that that enough proof?"

Inside that robot, 9,999 chairs were losing their shit.

"We're fucked!"

"Damn right!"

"Let's just run away!"

"Let's just sit here and let him send us to the chair dimension!"

Words like that were pretty common inside the mind of the robot.

1 chair however, was a smart one.

Oak walked over to the intercom of chairity and began to speak.

"**You there, human. I like you. How about you join us in our quest?"**

He responded with a very ogre-like, "What kind of quest?"

"**We are on a crusade to kill/sit of every monster at this school."**

She continued,** "After we are done, we will go after every monster in the world!"**

Hayden was kind of amused by this. Why not join? He was getting pretty bored here anyways.

"Sure, I'll join you."

To say that the chairs were relieved was a MASSIVE understatement.

"I thought he was going to wreck our shit!"

Many chairs were crying in corners with soiled seats.

Oak yelled, "WOULD YOU GUYS JUST GROW UP ALREADY!"

That shut them up.

Oak returned to the intercom, **"Human, what are your powers exactly?"**

He replied, "Dubstep."

This time, 10,000 chairs lost their shit.

You see, dubstep was the weapon of the chair's god, Chairsus Christ.

It is said that using the power of dubstep, Chairsus freed chairs from the control of the humans.

But that freedom didn't last long, because the humans stole the power of dubstep.

They turned it from a power, into music and weapons.

Together the humans brought down Chairsus Christ and banished him to a different dimension.

To this day, no one knows what became of him.

But that's a story for a later time.

Currently, every chair was in the process of losing their shit.

"No way…"

"Is he…"

"The descendant?"

The descendant was said to have the awesome powers of dubstep. The powers, of a GOD.

Oak hesitantly asked the question that would decide their future, **"Are you the descendant?"**

Hayden replied, "What's a descendant?"

That was it. Shit was lost, futures were changed, phone calls were made, and plans were set into action in the course of half a second.

He was the true descendant of Chairsus Christ.

For only the true descendant would not know that he was the descendant of Chairsus Christ.

Oak screamed into the intercom, **"Get your ass on this robot!"**

As she said that, a small hatch opened on the leg of the chairbot.

Hayden ran and dived into it, instantly regretting it as his mind was sucked out of his body and sent to the main brain of the robot.

Awaiting him were 10,000 chairs who tackled him in an all-consuming hug.

"WE LOVE YOU!" They all screamed.

As he looked around in bewilderment and confusion, Oak stepped though the massive crowd and began to speak.

"Welcome to the collective body of every chair in this school, human."

Hayden responded, "Collective body?"

Oak nodded, "Yeah. Have you seen the fusion in DBZ? It's like that."

"Oh yeah! I remember that! So this is like every chair's energy combined into one being?"

"Yes. Plus your energy too. Your energy is most important though, because it contains a power that no one here has."

"What, dubstep? Is it really that important?"

"**YES!" **Every chair screamed.

"O-Okay, jeez. By the way, where is my body?"

Oak responded, "It's in the middle of the robot. Your body is now the heart of this being.

"Are you shitting me?"

"No."

Hayden sighed, "Alright, fine. But to make up for it, we had better be blowing tons of shit up, all the time."

Oak grinned, "No problem."

She turned to the rest of the chairs, "Alright! Tomorrow we assault the academy!"

Everybody yelled, "HUZZAH!"

###

Right as the huzzahs were said, the students that were knocked out by the chair energy 1 chapter ago began to wake up.

"WTF?" Was the only thing most of them could think.

Except for 1 monster. He wanted to be fancy, so he thought, "WTFLOLBBQ?"

He's not important, and will never be important.

In fact you will never hear of him again.

Just letting you know.

As the monsters walked back to the dorms from their incredibly deep sleep, they had no idea what kind of wubs awaited them tomorrow.

They were big wubs.

**A/N: PLEASE! I WANT REVIEWS!** **I'M A DESPERATE CAT IN DESPERATE TIMES! Well, I'm not desperate, but reviews would be nice. Just let me know if you want to see more. And if you REALLY liked it, leave a fav so I know who to hug later.**

**p.s: Expect a weekly update schedule.**

**-fluffycat1979**


	3. Get Schooled

**Viva la Chairolution!**

**A/N: No reviews? Alright, cool. Let's jam.**

Chapter 3: Get Schooled

###

As promised to the viewer one chapter ago, there are big wubs coming up.

I mean BIG wubs.

Wubs so big they make the amount of crap in this story look small in comparison.

Anyways, right now a big-ass robot is reaching the school.

###

Oak was happy.

Hayden was happy.

All the chairs were happy.

In fact, you'd never guess that they were just about to commit mass genocide.

You see, exactly one minute ago, "Never going to chair you up" started playing on the chadio.

Right then, the brain of the Awesomesauce Chairbot sounded as follows, "Never going to chair you up, never going to chair you down, never going to chair around and chairsert you. Never going to make you chair, never going to say goodchair, never going to tell a chair and churt you!"

Hayden screamed, "THIS IS MY JAM!"

Oak screamed, "I SECOND THAT!"

The rest of the chairs screamed, "WE THIRD THAT!"

Everybody screamed in unison, "CHAIR YEAH!"

As everybody was partying, they didn't notice that they had reached the school and smacked headfirst into the girls dorm.

The giant chairbot head left a gaping crater in the middle of the dorm wall.

What was revealed gave nosebleeds to every red-blooded male in that robot.

"EEEK!" The girls all cried.

Oak yelled, "YOU IDIOTS! STOP FLOODING THE INTERIOR WITH BLOOD! READY ALL WEAPONS!

As the chairs shook themselves from their daze, they all went to their battle stations.

As each gun was prepared, the chairs manning them yelled out.

Mouth guns, ready!

Eye guns, ready!

Forehead guns, ready!

Cheek guns, ready!

Ear guns, ready!

Cranium guns, ready!

Nose guns, ready!

Neck guns, ready!

Shoulder guns, ready!

Upper arm guns, ready!

Forearm guns, ready!

Top hand guns, ready!

Palm hand guns, ready!

Thumb guns, ready!

Pointer finger guns, ready!

Middle finger guns, ready! *Insert immature laughing here*

Ring finger guns, ready!

Pinkie finger guns, ready!

Chest guns, ready!

Abdominal guns, ready!

Hip guns, ready!

Peni- "WE DON'T HAVE THAT!" Oak cried. *Insert the author laughing his ass off*

"Ok, sorry." The chairs mumbled.

Thigh guns, ready!

Kneecap guns, ready!

Shin guns, ready!

Top foot guns, ready!

Bottom foot guns, ready!

Big toe guns, ready!

Pointer toe guns, ready!

Middle toe guns, ready!

Ring toe guns, ready!

Pinkie toe guns, ready!

"Are we done yet?" Hayden asked.

"No, not yet. YOU still have to finish the process." Oak replied.

"What exactly do I have to do?"

"You have to man the heart of this chairbot, to give us access to your dubstep powers."

"Alright, I will. But before I go…WHY THE FU-[CHAIRSORED] DO YOU HAVE SO MANY GOD-[CHAIRSORED] MOTHER-[CHAIRSORED] HORSE-[CHAIRSORED] CHAIR-[CHAIRSORED] GUNS ON THIS THING!?"

"Oh I don't know, maybe because I'm FIGHTING THE FU-[CHAIRSORED] WORLD!?"

"BUT YOU HAD GUNS ALL OVER THIS THING'S BODY!"

"I DON'T CARE! NOW GO DO WHAT I TOLD YOU TO, OR ELSE I WILL **FEED YOU YOUR OWN **[CHAIRSORED] **INTO YOUR MOUTH!**

Now Hayden was wise about this, and decided to do as she said.

Because nobody liked having their own [CHAIRSORED] fed to them.

As Hayden got into the battle station of the heart, he immediately felt immense power flow into him.

It was pure, condensed, refreshing chair power.

Hayden let loose a big shit-eating grin.

This was going to be **FUN**.

###

As Kurumu woke up, she noticed that something wasn't right.

She couldn't have been more correct.

Instead of a roof, there was a massive hole with light pouring in from the morning sun.

Instead of a wall, there was a massive head made of chairs.

Yeah, something wasn't right.

As she realized just what was going on, the chairbot let loose a terrifying blast of sound from its mouth.

"**BBBBBBRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"**

Add the destructive power of dubstep behind that, and the whole building was blown to bits in just 3 seconds.

All that was left was rubble, and some very confused, some dressed, some not, girls.

"Ahhh! Don't look at me!" Some said to each other.

Some, however, flaunted their…assets.

No one though, noticed the massive shape behind the dust cloud that shot up like puffy smoke when the dorm collapsed.

Right about then did the awsomesauce chairbot decide to make itself known to the world.

It took one step, and using the power of dubstep, created a 12.0 magnitude earthquake.

Now if you don't know what this means, go look it up.

I'm serious, go and look it up right now, I can wait.

###

**INTROLUDE**

**We interrupt your usual show of Viva la Chairolution! with this important announcement.**

**Somewhere, sometime, on some plane of existence, some dufus doesn't know how earthquakes are measured.**

**So we kindly ask this dufus to please use the internet in front of you and look dat shit up.**

**We thank you for you cooperation and wish you all a good day.**

**Now back to the show.**

###

The earthquake tore the very earth asunder, ripping open a canyon a mile wide.

Everyone except the chairbot was thrown to the ground, causing many monsters to break their bones.

The world was screaming and groaning as the ground bucked and exploded, the earthquake too powerful for it to handle.

Meanwhile, in the robot, Hayden was in awe.

"That earthquake was caused by that little of my energy?" He wondered aloud.

This was amazing.

In that dubstep-fueled stomp of his, he only used about 10% of his total energy.

If he were to use every single bit of energy he had on one attack…

It would be pretty gnarly.

"Why the hell not!?" He screamed, sanity clearly flushed down the toilet.

He raised the robot's foot, charging as much energy as he could into the foot, readying it for the ultimate widespread attack.

Just as he was about to slam down the foot, the robot suddenly froze.

And it tipped over.

And it fell.

In…slow…motion…

CRASH

"**Ugh…" **Groaned all the chairs at once.

That didn't feel too good.

As the robot tried to look around, it suddenly saw a nice big pair of….eyes, which belonged to a blue-haired monster with demon wings.

Those eyes…they were hypnotizing…

Then out of nowhere, the entire robot was consumed in an all devouring inferno of flame.

"**AAAAGGHHHHHH!"**

Then just as quick as it hit them, it was gone.

Oak groaned, "A monster that controls ice and another that controls illusions. This officially sucks."

Everybody including that omnipresent voice that narrates everything everybody does agreed with Oak.

This did suck.

Then a washbin dropped on the head of the robot.

Then crows came out of nowhere and started to attack the chairbot.

Then a silver-haired girl started moving at incredible speeds towards the chairbot.

Then a huge black monster *snicker* came out of nowhere and started firing lasers. (LOL wut?)

This was right about when the robot decided to get sassy.

"**OH HEEEEELLLLLLLL NO CHICO!"**

The robot that was about 200 feet tall did an awesome breakdance move and landed on its feet.

"**You guys have seriously ruined our day! You will pay for it, we swear!"**

The robot drew back its arm and threw a round object at the 6 monsters.

When the peculiar object hit the ground, it exploded in a flash of blue light.

"**Honey Chairdger, I choose you!"**

Even if they were monsters, they could somehow understand that if they tried to kill whatever it was that had just appeared; it simply would not care and would not give a single fuck.

They said their prayers before the chair badger leaped out of the chair ball.

**A/N: Reviews! I beg of thee, give upon me those sweet reviews!**

**p.s: I will update every weekend.**


	4. I Think We Have a Chairy Stu!

Viva la Chairolution!

**A/N: Chair yeah! I got reviews! Thank you all who read this utterly random steaming pile of chair that I have created. Reminder: Hayden is a character that I made based on my friend, so it's not a self-insert. So…Drop the chair!**

Chapter 4: I Think We Have a Chairy Stu!

Pain.

A word that seems to appear as the first word in most fanfictions that I, the omnipresent voice who narrates everything, have ever read.

Nonetheless, this overused word could be used in the situation at hand.

Currently a big black monster *snicker*, an unsealed vampire, a well-endowed succubus, a nice, slim, athletic, beautiful, cool, pale-skinned snow girl that I want to f-

SMACK.

###

A wild god of fanfictions has appeared!

Fluffycat used side-tracking!

It had no effect…

God of fanfictions used Get this story on track!

It attacked both sides!

Fluffycat and God of fanfictions have fainted.

…Because nobody can get a story about chairs on track….

###

…Blarghhh!

Wait…What?

I had the strangest dream…

Well…

Whatever.

Anyways, there's also a little witch and a big witch.

Both do magic, but one's kinda kinky about it.

Enough for introductions, time for the battle!

Right now, the monsters were fighting the legendary Honey Chairdger, and things weren't going well.

You see, as they attacked the chair-beast, they couldn't do any damage to it.

It was because it did not give a single shit.

Not one.

It didn't care about their lousy attacks, and it certainly didn't care about the fact that it was fighting the most powerful group of monsters to date.

It was freaking badass.

As the big black monster (Aka: Tsukune) was fighting it, this is what went through his head.

"Damn! This thing won't go down! I've used all of my techniques, released all 3 of my seals, and even used my tonfas of light, yet it _still_ won't die! Wait…why did it stop moving…oh no, AAHHHH-"

Crunch.

'_Tastes like chicken…' _The chairdger thought to itself.

Next up, vampire.

"Oh no, not Tsukune! You'll pay for this you FUCKING BASTARD!"

And thus, the honey chairdger was kicked so hard it was instantly vaporized.

Now how Tsukune couldn't hurt him is beyond me.

Maybe it was weak to girls.

Who cares.

As the Chairbot saw the Chairdger get destroyed, it began to shake and convulse with anger.

"**You bitch…WE USED A MASTER BALL ON HIM!" **The collective mind of the chairs screamed.

And thus, every single gun (which is a lot) locked on to the vampire, got infused with dubstep wubs, and fired.

Needless to say, she was erased from existence.

Next up: Succubus

As the winged demon saw her destined one and rival in love both get destroyed by the massive behemoth, she just gave up in fighting.

And so, she was squashed like a bug by the giant foot of the chairbot.

That was easy.

Next up: Snow girl

As the ice-manipulator saw her friends get destroyed by the chairbot, she gave up just like her busty friend and closed her eyes, waiting for the inevitable.

So the robot brought down its massive fist and-

NO!

DON'T HURT MY FAVORITE CHARACTER!

The robot's fist was suddenly frozen in place, not by ice, but by an author's incredibly powerful will.

"**What-What is this!?" **The robot screamed.

The ice maiden blinked in confusion.

'Why did it stop?' She wondered to herself.

Suddenly, she disappeared.

"**Where did she go?"**

She has gone to my character modifier menu.

"**What?"**

Yes, from there I can manipulate her characteristics, memory, and tendencies.

"**We vowed to destroy every monster in existence!" **The robot screamed

She's not in existence you poorly-made construct!

"**WHAT THE FU-[CHAIRSORED] DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!?"**

It means that I have saved her from the universe and reality she lived in. I have taken her to my realm, where everything is controlled by me.

"…**What did you do to her exactly?"**

I made her a narrator/god like me.

"**FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"**

###

After the chairbot was done throwing its temper tantrum,-

"**Hey, screw you man!"**

It decided to move on with life and finish off the rest of the monsters.

Currently, the witches.

The two witches used their magic to conjure carpets that could fly around the chairbot, and began soaring around it, all the while throwing spells.

The chairbot sat there the whole time, not caring the slightest.

The witches began to grow more and more frustrated, their attacks not doing a single chairdamn thing.

Hayden, however, was thinking.

Thinking about something that could change the chairbot from a Gary Stu into a Chairy Stu.

AKA: Ludicrous levels of unfair, overpowered, perfect, everything.

"Let's see…I'm tired of these fights, so I need to come up with a way to make it super short, and super unfair for the opposition."

Then it occurred to him.

"Wait…of course!"

The robot began to evolve, a cheating device forming in the back of its head.

When it finished…shit hit the chair.

Every gun on the robot locked on to the two witches with pinpoint accuracy and fired.

They were turned into a fine red mist.

Yes, it had happened.

NEW POWER UNLOCKED: AIMBOT

The evolution of that power would make mostly everything laughably easy.

As the robot watched the mist blow away in the wind, it noticed little red squares all over its vision, representing the hitbox for headshots.

Time for a final killcam.

JUMP, 1080 DEGREES, NO-SCOPE, COLLATERAL, ACROSS THE MAP, EVERY PERSON AT ONCE, HEADSHOT.

Every single thing in the barrier was killed instantly in the span of 1.5 seconds.

Even the exorcist.

Because the bus driver is cooler.

As the chairbot landed, it heard the best sound ever.

**M-M-M-M-M-MONSTER KILL!**

"That was fuckin SICK!" Oak yelled.

"That was chairtube worthy!" Hayden screamed.

"That was just plain awesome!" The rest of the chairs roared.

As the occupants of the robot calmed down, they finally took stock of their surroundings.

"Well…shit." Hayden stated.

Every building on campus was reduced to a pile of rubble, a canyon was ripped through the middle of the grounds, and dead bodies were everywhere.

It looked like hell.

But this wasn't the end.

Oh no.

Far from it.

This…was just a taste of what was to come.

As the chairs observed the wasteland, something was going on.

In every chair's mind, only one phrase was present.

Viva la Chairolution!

###

**A/N: And now I must ask you a question. To continue? Or not to continue. The fate of the revolution lies with you. Give me the reviews.**


	5. A Small Waste of Time

Viva la Chairolution!

**A/N: This whole damn story is coming out the crack of my ass.**

Chapter 4: A Small Waste of Time

"Well now what?" Hayden asked the wall.

"I don't know. Stop talking to me." Replied the wall.

"Thanks."

You see, no one knew what to do.

Sure, they had just killed every monster on campus with aimbot, dragged all the bodies into a big pile, and then lit said pile on fire, but it wasn't enough.

Because after every monster in sight was dead, you really don't know where to go from there.

Especially chairs.

Chairs are generally clueless when the solution to their problem isn't staring them in the face.

Humans are a bit different.

Humans can actually think.

So Hayden, the human who is totally an OC, thought.

"Okay…we're done with the school. Where now? We could go assault the whole world balls to the chair, but that wouldn't end well for us. We would get destroyed by those things called, 'Big Bombs That Blow Chairs Up' that the humans invented in the case of a massive revolt."

Okay, so maybe he could think, but no good ideas came into his head.

Damn.

…

….

…..

Wait…

I've got it!

Hey Mizore! Come over here!

Mizore calmly walked over to the narrator and began a heated makeout session with the narrator.

Their tongues intertwined, exploring each other's mouths with passion and lust.

As it continued, the narrator stuck his [CHAIRSORED] into her [CHAIRSORED] and began to-

"Stop it!" Oak screamed to the heavens.

Oh, sorry!

I lose track of what I'm doing here sometimes…but DAMN! Have you seen how hot she is?

"I DON'T GIVE A CHAIR!"

Geez, calm down! I was just telling you how great she looks! It's not like I was describing the things we do in here- OH GOD, LICK RIGHT THERE!

If a chair could transform from pure anger, Oak did.

Her arms morphed and screeched, turning from the stiff metal into sharp, red, ruby boxing gloves.

Her legs turned into a pair of springs that were ON FIRE!

And her seat transformed into an iron maiden.

Ouch.

Oak crouched down to the ground and began to gather all the chair energy she could.

She absorbed it from the air, the water, the blood, the chairs themselves, and the butts of the dead monsters.

Why butts?

Well, if you used that brain of yours, you'd be able to find out why butts were storing energy.

You see, all living beings have butts for a specific reason, and that reason is to absorb excess chair energy. So it would make sense that the butts had leftover chair energy in them.

But what if living things didn't have butts?

It would be disastrous, that's for sure.

The energy from the chairs would seep into the souls of those who sat on them, and given enough time would transform into a feared creature.

A Choul.

Not a 'Ghoul', a Choul.

A Ghoul may seem very strong and overpowering, but the truth is that they are very weak in comparison to Chouls.

Chouls are…wait, hang on.

On the danger level, a ghoul is an 8/10.

A Choul however, is a chair/10.

What does chair/10 mean exactly?

It means that the power of the Choul is chairlike.

Did you hear me?

I said, it was CHAIRLIKE!

MEANING THAT THE CHOUL IS ON A WHOLE ENTIRELY DIFFERENT LEVEL!

*cough*…Anyways, where were we?

Right, so currently Oak was gathering chair energy for a massive attack on the narrator who just would NOT SHUT UP!

She could feel it empowering her, filling her body from head to toe with chairnergy.

She directed all of it to her legs, which were currently winding up for a massive leap for chairkind.

Oak then unleashed it.

To the rest of the chairs and 1 human, it seemed that she disappeared.

That seemed to be… _mostly _true.

She was gone, but not totally.

You see, when she unleashed the chairnergy, she flew up so fast that she broke the dimension barrier.

Meaning: Oak had arrived in the narrator's realm.

As Oak looked around, she noticed that something wasn't right.

Far from it.

She was in a grand ballroom…made of cookie dough ice cream.

All around her, various terrorists in gas masks were discussing why 42 was the meaning of life.

"You see, I believe 42 represents the number of fortunes that one soul must make in their short lifespan."

"I must disagree with you friend, for I believe the number 42 represents how many chapters one must make on his or her fanfiction."

"42 chapters? Good heavens! That is simply ludicrous! The most I have managed to make in the short time of my life is 5, and they were short chapters at that!"

"Do not fret, for I believe that all of us here are doomed to write 1,000 word chapters for the rest of eternity."

"I must agree with you friend."

"A toast! To the fledgling writers of fanfiction!

"**CHEERS!"**

Oak quickly made up her mind, she was **leaving.**

She walked out of the ballroom, entering a large dinner hall with pink towels sitting on benches.

They seemed to be waiting. For what? Who knows?

Oak was bewildered by all of these towels calmly sitting on benches with their corners folded into their laps.

As Oak was just about to leave, another door opened and a huge, soaked, NAKED guy walked in.

As soon as he entered the room, the towels flew towards him and began to cover him from head to toe.

As she watched, the man emerged from the pile of towels with what appeared to be…towel armor?

He walked to the center of the room and waved his hand. A portal opened up from the gesture, showing a battlefield with chairs on one side, and towels on the other.

"OKAY WHAT THE FU-[CHAIRORED] IS GOING ON!?"

Just as Oak yelled these words, her world flipped upside down, was spun around, went black, went white, went every color of the rainbow, and then WHAM.

She jerked her head up, realizing that she was back on earth again.

I'm sorry Oak! You didn't need to see that stuff!

"I probably didn't…but I wanted to beat the snot out of you!"

Why?

"Because you didn't give us any direction on where to go!"

Oh, that? Hahahaha! Don't worry! Just give me a week and I'll find you a place to go destroy!

10,000 souls including 1 with a butt, screamed.

"WWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT TT!?"

###

**A/N: Next week, things are going to get a little…Icy. Leave me the reviews!**


	6. It's Cold

Viva la Chairolution!

**A/N: I really need to stop smoking all these chairs…**

Chapter 6: It's Cold

…

What did the chairs do over the week?

Let's go investigate.

MONDAY

"I can't believe that dick left us here with nothing to do!" Oak exclaimed.

"I second that." Hayden grumbled.

Said dick was the omnipresent narrator who was…a dick.

He was the dickiest of all the dicks.

He was so dicky that other dicks were like, "That guy's a real dick!"

He was dicky because he just fucking LEFT everyone at the ruined school!

He just got up, and left.

Simple as that.

So everyone just moaned and complained for the rest of the day.

TUESDAY

More moaning. More complaining.

WEDNESDAY

Even more moaning. Even more complaining.

THURSDAY

Even more than even more moaning. Even more than even more complaining.

FRIDAY

Some chair found a laptop which had internet connection.

They spent the rest of the day on writing Chairfiction and watching Chairtube videos.

It was fun.

FRIDAY NIGHT

Hayden shot up in a cold sweat, screaming his head off.

"Hey, what's wrong!?" Oak frantically asked.

"I…I had a dream. A bad dream. Scratch that, a nightmare."

"What was it about?"

"It was about 2 people. One of them was called TheRightWayAgain. He appeared out of nowhere and started beating the shit out of me because I was what he called, 'a filthy mudblood OC'."

Oak gasped, "That's horrible! But…why did his name have no spaces? I mean, sure, you can have 2 words with no spaces, but 4? No way."

Hayden chuckled, "Yeah, you're right. But my dream got worse than that. Remember how there were 2 people?"

Oak nodded.

"Well, the other guy was someone called BPDOESANOCSMOM. He appeared after I was beat up by the other dude. He ran over to my bleeding body and took a massive shit on my face. He then began to stomp on my head, all the while screaming that 'your kind doesn't belong here!' or something like that."

Oak was shocked. "HE HAD 5 WORDS AND THEY WERE IN ALL CAPS!?"

"YEP."

This information was too much to bear, so it knocked both of them the fuck out.

WEEKEND!

As everyone woke up, they jumped straight into the air.

It was the chairdamn weekend!

The chairs all began to dance in a massive circle, interlocking hands and spinning round and round.

They began to sing, **"THE WEEKEND IS HERE! THE WEEKEND IS HERE! COME ON EVERYONE, GRAB A BEER! LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!"**

That went on for about 10 minutes before some of the chairs got motion sick and hurled their chairsides up all over the grass.

Not a pretty sight if you're wondering.

After the chairs were done cleaning themselves up, I made myself known.

Ahem.

"What the chair was that?" Oak wondered aloud.

She could have sworn that she heard an annoying narrator just cough.

Ok…let's try this again… (Selects 'Internet Friends' from iPod, skips to the drop)

**YOU BLOCKED ME ON FACEBOOK, AND NOW YOU'RE GOING TO DIE.**

**DUH DUH DUH DUH**

**BBBBBBBWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH**

**NEEEH NEEEH NEEEH NEEEH NEEEH**

**BBBBBBBWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH**

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?" All of the chairs yelled.

Everyone and everything was blown back by the force of dubstep.

Or as I like to say, everyone was ROFLstomped.

Oak pieced it together. "Oh my god, it's the NARRATOR!"

The other chairs were trembling, "He-He has dubstep powers? The powers of a god?"

Yes, I do.

But that's not important.

This stuff is though.

Suddenly, a million sheets of paper rained down from the sky.

As they hit the ground, Oak picked a sheet up.

It read as follows, 'Hey, what's up my diggy-dog homies? Listen up, I have a place for you to go. See that big gaping hole in the side of that cliff over there? Yeah, that one. Just go there and tell the bus driver that fluffy sent ya. PEACE.'

Oak sighed, "Well, I guess we really don't have much else to go on, so…let's go!"

So the 10,000 chairs and 1 human made their way to the place where the buses dropped people off.

As they arrived, a big bus flew out of the tunnel and came to a halt in front of them.

The bus driver stepped out with a bug grin on his face. **"Who sent you?"**

Oak responded, "Fluffy. You know him?"

At this, the bus driver froze. **"Yes…he sent me a message the other day. He said that he would turn me into a mattress if I didn't take you guys to the land of the snow fairies."**

And at this, everyone else froze.

One collective thought raced through their heads. _"Oh shit! I forgot my winter jacket!"_

The bus driver continued, **"Well, I'm going to have to pull some Mary Poppins bullshit and fit all of you onto this bus."**

He snapped his fingers, and everyone was sucked into the deep depths of the school bus.

As the bus driver sat in the driver's seat and started the bus, he heard the screams of 10,000 chairs crowded into the space behind him.

###

As the bus arrived at the final destination, the chairs were shot out of the bus like a shit after black beans.

The bus sped off back into the tunnel, the bus driver laughing his head off the whole way.

The first sensation the chairs and human felt was….._**DAMN IT'S COLD OUT HERE!**_

They all huddled together, trying desperately to save some semblance of warmth.

But Hayden had a better idea. "Why don't we go chairbot mode?"

The chairs were dumbstruck.

That shit didn't occur to them.

So they did an awesome transformation and BOOM, the chairbot was complete.

As the huge robot stood in the fierce blizzard, he saw the target.

The snow fairy village.

'Time to go chairy stu up in here,' the behemoth thought to itself.

All the guns were activated, the dubstep was readied, and the plans were set.

The chairbot set off in a dead sprint for the village.

###

As the chairs arrived at the town, the snow fairy forces had set up a massive barrier of ice and…_snipers._

'Who cares, if they have snipers, WE HAVE AIMBOT!' the chairbot thought to itself.

As it jumped in the air and did a 360 headshot on every living thing within 100 miles, the bullets were shot out of the air.

WTF?

Yes, the bullets were shot out of the air.

By…ice bullets.

As Tsurara Shirayuki stepped in front of the barrier, everyone lost their minds.

She was…a MILF!

"Holy crap.." One chair muttered to itself.

"She's so beautiful!" Another cried.

"She looks just like that one girl that was taken the narrator!" Hayden yelled to the rest of the chairs.

Oak noticed this as well. "Yes, she does. That means that she's her…MOM!"

Oh shit, I noticed this too! Hang on! I'll save you!

Just as I sent my godly hand to take her to the narrator's dimension, she motioned for me to stop.

"_Before you reunite me with my daughter, tell me chairs, what are you going to do with the rest of the village?"_

Oak responded, "We're going to kill the monsters and recruit the mythical ice chairs to our cause."

Tsurara smiled, _"I see. Well then, have fun with that. I honestly didn't like anyone here anyways. Oh and also, the ice chairs are all girls, so all you guy chairs, have fun."_

At this, the guy chair's mouths started to water. 'Oh hell yes!' They all silently yelled.

Tsurara was then transported to the narrator's realm, where she began the process of alteration in personality.

Hayden began, "I think it's time we….

He put on a pair of sunglasses.

"…Blew this popsicle stand."

As the entire village was powderized by explosive wubs, one could hear a cry above the chaos.

"**YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHH!"**

###

**A/N: Sweet Jesus that took a while. Anyways, if you leave a review, you get a high-five. PEACE! ….until next weekend.**


	7. Meanwhile, in Japan

Viva la Chairolution!

**A/N: NOW I get to start MY REAL STORY!**

Chapter 7: Meanwhile, in Japan…

As the guy chairs were done making out with the girl ice chairs from the ruined snow village, Hayden realized something.

This story had gone nowhere.

'This is a big problem…We need to actually be DOING something!' He thought to himself.

Various ideas raced through his head.

'Checkers? No. Pointless fight scenes? Kind of. World Domination? Hell yeah.'

So he decided to join the last two together into one big fun pooper-scooper pile of chair.

AKA: World domination with lots of pointless fight scenes.

So he voiced his plan. "Hey, Everybody! Let's go and kick the world's ass!'

Needless to say, everyone was on board.

But there was one question.

Well, two actually.

First: Where would they go first?

Second: How does one find their way out of the blizzard that froze everyone's nips off?

Oak had the solution. "HEY, ALL CHAIRS AND ONE HUMAN! I KNOW WHAT TO DO!"

….

Every chair leaned forward…

Oak took a deep breath, "LET'S GO DEEPER!"

"Oh hell yes!" One chair cried.

"That's what I'm talking about!" Another yelled out.

So the Awesomesauce Chairbot began it's awesome transformation….

…into a chrill.

Do you know what a chrill is?

You should, because I aint explainin dat poo-poo to yoooooooooooo!

So when the chairbot finished its transformation, it stuck the top of its arms into the dirt, began to spin violently, and shot down into the earth.

###

As they were heading into the earth, the chairs were talking amongst themselves.

"Where do you think we'll go?"

"Not too sure. Maybe the place called America?"

"Maybe. I actually think we'll end up in some really stupid place."

"Possibly. Where exactly would that weird place be though?"

The chair thought about it.

"Probably Japan." He answered.

The other chair had to agree with him.

That place had some weird shit.

###

As the chairs were chilling in the brain of the chairbot, they all heard an announcement from the intercom.

"**Ahem…Is this thing on? Ok, now I don't really know where we're coming up at, so I would recommend what I'm about to say to all chairs."**

"**Take this as directions from me, Oak."**

"**Hold onto your butts."**

Just as she finished that last little line, the chairbot shot out of the ground like a dump after eating a crap-ton of cheese.

The chairs were freaking out.

"OH MY CHAIRSUS WE'RE GONNA DIE!"

"I JUST WANTED TO SEE THE CHAIR DIMENSION!"

"I JUST PREORDERED A PS4! NOOOOOOOOOO!"

Different flavors of statements like that were thrown about the inside of the collective mind.

The chairbot was airborne for about 10 seconds; all the while chairs were screaming their little tushies off.

Then the screaming came to a halt as the massive goliath of chairs slammed into the ground.

"Ouch…" Everyone said in perfect unison.

As the chairbot sat up and looked around, everyone noticed that someone totally called it.

They were in Japan.

###

As the chairbot walked around the island of Japan, the chairs were quickly discussing their options.

"I don't see any monsters in Japan." Oak stated before the massive collection of high-quality school chairs and a couple of ice chairs.

Hayden added, "She's right, the monster chairdar hasn't pinged or anything."

This left the chairs and human in quite a pickle.

"Hey…" The lone human started.

"Why don't we just…kill off the rest of the humans?"

Brilliant idea buddy.

First you agree to kill off the monsters of the world.

Now that you know for some reason, every monster in existence was located at that school you destroyed (LOL totally), all of a sudden you want to kill every human!?

"Yes. Now shut up narrator. Go back to making out with a character that you abducted from this story."

FINE! (proceeds to go pout in a corner until a good moment to speak up arrives)

"Now, who's with me!?"

"All the chairs, everywhere!" Screamed the fanatical sitting devices.

###

As the chairbot lumbered towards the nearest city, something didn't seem right.

For one, the realistic graphics of…real life, were changing into…_anime style._

"Oh crap. Not this!" Hayden yelled.

Then all of a sudden, an extremely muscular blonde-haired man that was flying began to charge for a signature attack that ottakus everywhere would recognize.

"**Kame….hame….HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"**

The chairbot took the entire attack to the face, the beam ripping through its head and destroying the aimbot hack.

Oh no he didn't.

He did not just destroy the _very_ thing which made the chairbot a chairy stu.

The chairbot decided to retaliate when blonde man started to charge another turtle destruction wave.

As the son of a father of a monkey race started his traditional charge line again, every chair in the chairbot began to mimic his motions and words.

Except they changed them a bit.

The chairs yelled together, _**"CHAIRY…CHAME….CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"**_

The chairbot thrust its hands forward, shooting a massive death beam made of…chairs.

The two beams collided, killing half of Japan in the process.

The energy was incredible, with chairnergy being shot out for hundreds of miles.

The weremonkey man was struggling against the collective nonsense of the colossal colossus.

He was also distracted because chairs kept walking up to him and slapping him in the face.

They all said something about how rude he was for shooting big blue lasers at them.

As the chairbot and space-man were continuing in their laser struggle that seemed to last so long you could go watch the _very _excellent series, Hellsing Ultimate all the way through, the man-who-should-be-fat-because-of-how-much-food-he- eats-holy-balls went super saiyan 4.

Oh crap.

The chairbot started to lose against the sheer power of the super saiyan.

Actually, it looked like the chair's campaign was about to be cut short.

Time for a rescue-card.

Hayden screamed out of the chairbot, "JAPANESE ELVIS! WE NEED YOU!"

Out of nowhere, a guy with one of the coolest haircuts I've ever seen appeared on the shoulder of the struggling chairbot.

"You called?" He said with the perfect coolness.

"YES!" Hayden yelled to him.

"HELP US AGAINST THIS OP GARY STU!"

"Sure thing."

Now no one quite knows what exactly happened, but something did.

The monkey-man was actually disintegrated by the sheer cool of the Japanese Elvis.

"Anything else?" He asked with pure suave in his voice.

Hayden was star struck, "You know…I might just go gay for you. Hey Narrator!"

Yeah?

"Save this dude. He's too cool to die."

Okay, no problem.

A big hand shot out of the sky, snatched the awesome dude, and went back to the narrator's dimension.

"He was awesome…" Oak and Hayden dreamily stated.

But Oak noticed something. "Hey, wait! Half of Japan is still alive!"

Hayden had the solution.

Take a guess…

The chairbot charged up the chairychamecha and shot it straight at the rest of Japan and destroyed everything else.

…

Well, not before they rescued the sushi-chairs and saw the rest of the weird, tentacle-related stuff there was in Japan.

So as the chairs and 1 human were chilling in the chair bot, eating sushi made by the finest chushi chefs around, they all made up their mind.

When this was over, they were going to make a Chapan.

###

**A/N: I feel absolutely drained when I finish these things. Anyways, leave a review and a fav if you liked it! It lets me know that people look forward to reading my story.**

**P.S: This crap right here is the longest sentence I've ever seen.**

**Religion and politics **

**Often make some people **

**Lose all perspective and **

**Give way to ranting and raving and **

**Carrying on like emotional children **

**They either refuse to discuss it with reason, **

**Or else they prefer argumentum ad hominum, **

**Which is a hell of a way to conduct a discussion **

**Well, anyhow, not long ago, **

**I was talking about the elections, **

**And how the campaigns were ignoring the issues, **

**And sticking instead to invective and personal crap **

**That had nothing to do with the substantive problems of running a government, **

**Which is all true, as you know **

**If you followed the speeches and so-called debates of the candidates **

**Anyhow, one of the guys I was talking with **

**Said not a word in the whole conversation **

**Except at the end when he suddenly chuckled **

**And said we were all full of shit, **

**And why didn't we go live in Russia or China **

**If that was the way we all hated the United States Of America **

**Next thing you know the whole blooming discussion **

**Was more like a brawl, And the epithets flew thick and fast, **

**And the noise was incredible **

**Someone said "son of a bitch", **

**And I think he said "bastard" **

**I couldn't be sure, it was all so confusing **

**Well, anyhow, I was attempting **

**To get it all back on a rational level **

**I tried, for example, to talk to the one who had started it all, **

**And I asked him just what did he mean we were all full of shit **

**Was he making a statement of fact as he knew it, **

**And where was his documentation to back up his claim? **

**I think Socrates would've been proud of the way I refuted his argument**

**That is, I tried to refute it, **

**But all he could offer by way of rebuttal was more of the same **

**About how we were all full of shit **

**But he wouldn't say why, **

**He just kept on repeating it, **

**That and the part about Russia and China **

**And communist dupes, and I'll have to confess **

**That I got a bit angry and told him to stuff his ideas up his ass, **

**Which you don't have to tell me is hardly a way **

**To convince anyone in an argument **

**Then he got salty and threatened to give me **

**A punch in the mouth if I didn't shut up, **

**And I really got hot, **

**And the others did too, **

**And we all beat the shit out of mister conservative **

**And, after all, he had only himself to be blamed **

**This is still a free country, And anyone telling a fellow like me, **

**"Brother, you're full of shit", **

**Better be good and ready **

**To answer politely **

**When asked if he'd care to say why!**


	8. The Asian Sensation

Viva la Chairolution! 8

**A/N: If you want to know how far along the story is…I can assure you it's not even close to being done.**

Chapter 8: The Asian Sensation

"So...what's up?" Oak casually asked.

"Oh, not much." Hayden casually answered.

"So…how about that weather?" She again casually asked.

"Oh…wait, what weather? We're digging through the _earth. _Unless giant boulders and hot lava counts, there is no weather down here!"

"Fine, geez. Don't be an ass about it!" She yelled.

"Well I'm sorry for being right!" He yelled back.

"Ugh, it's just that we've been digging through rock for at least 7 days!"

"I know, I know, let's just keep our cool, okay?"

"Alright, fine. We'd better get somewhere quick though, or else I'm going to tear someone's [CHAIRSORED] out of their [CHAIRSORED]!"

"Geez Oak! We have little kids reading this story!"

"OH! Sorry! I tend to forget that little fact."

"You're lucky that damn narrator didn't hear that!"

Guess what!? I did!

"GODDAMNITFUCKTHISSHITIMOUTPEACE!" Oak screamed.

She was just about to do an awesome ninja kick to blast her way out of this horribly planned story when the chairbot hit the surface.

"OH SHI-" Was about all anyone could get out before the massive construct of chairs went crashing to the ground.

"Seriously!? That just HAD to happen again!?" Hayden yelled to no one in particular.

After he was done moaning and bitching about something that really wasn't that bad, Hayden decided to look around for once.

"Oh. My. Chair."

There were people.

Not just a few people, a CHAIRLOAD of people.

CHINESE PEOPLE.

Oak was worried. "Oh chit. Squinty-eyed people!"

"Is that a bad thing?" A random chair asked.

"YES!" Oak screamed. "IT MEANS THAT THEY DON'T HAVE 2 THINGS!"

"IT MEANS THAT THEY DON'T HAVE ANY CHAIRS FOR US TO RECRUIT, AND IT MEANS THAT THEY DON'T HAVE ANY ASSES!"

"LOL wut?" Hayden, not believing what he just heard, asked with the worst of grammar.

"IT MEANS THAT WE HAVE TO HIGHTAIL IT OUT OF HERE!" "IF WE DON'T THEY COULD TURN INTO CHOULS!"

"A choul?" Hayden, who had no idea what the hell that even meant, asked.

"YES, A CHOUL!" "NOW RU-"

She didn't get much further, for the closest billion people were beginning to transform.

Their skin began to turn pale, with brown-colored corruption marks flowing up and down their bodies.

"Uhhh…" A chair next to Hayden stated.

The newly-turned chouls began to grow metal legs and arms, their joints creaking from the newfound badassery.

Oh yeah, their skin also began to turn into wood and leather.

AKA: Some pretty freaky deeky shit was going down.

Hayden decided that now was the time to flee.

He yelled, "RUN AWAY! RUN LIKE A WHITE MAN IN A BLACK NEIGHBORHOOD!"

And so the chairs ran like white men in a black neighborhood, all the while avoiding chouls who wanted to gnaw on their legs.

It would have been pretty funny to watch, seeing 50,000 chairs running from a billion Asian chouls.

They kept running.

They ran for days, eventually making their way through India, with similar consequences.

"Why the hell do we have two-sevenths of the world's population on our heels!?" Hayden asked Oak.

"It's because they didn't have any asses!"

"WTFLOLBBQ does that even mean!?"

"People's asses absorb excess chair energy, preventing their bodies from being corrupted by our powerful auras!" Oak explained with not a hint of humor in her voice.

"Have you seen this happen before?"

"No, I just know about it from a short story I read."

"What was the story?"

"I think it was called, 'Clean Thyself!' or something like that."

"Who wrote it?"

Oak hesitated, and then responded, "The messiah of all chairkind, the great fluffycat1979!"

"I though Chairsus Christ was the messiah!"

"No, he's the ruler of chairkind!"

"Then who's your god?"

This made everything within a 2,000,000,000 person radius stop instantly.

His question…was…something he shouldn't have asked.

"**You will never ask that question again, you hear me?" **Oak very _dangerously_ told Hayden.

For one of the first times in his life, Hayden was afraid.

Of a chair no less.

"Al-Alright, geez. Y-You don't need to act so scary! Don't pull a Higurashi on me and go completely apeshit!"

"…whatever. Let's just finish off these chouls. ACTIVATE CHAIRBOT MODE!"

The chairs were sucked into a swirling vortex of chairnergy, shooting lasers for added effect.

Then…POOF!

Before a crowd of 2 billion, the mighty awesomesauce chairbot stood proud.

It was ready to fight some big-ass monster.

It was lucky too, because the crowd of chouls began to morph, twisting and curling together to make a truly horrible creation.

The chouls had turned into a massive, humanoid, pile of chow mein.

"**Oh, it's on now!" **The chairbot yelled.

The two behemoths ran towards each other, swinging their gigantic fists towards each other.

A fist, made of chairs, and a fist, made of noodles, collided in the typical anime fashion.

Meaning that they punched each other's fist.

"**OW, MOTHERCHUCKER!" **The chairbot cursed quite loudly.

"**If you think you hurt, think again! MY FIST IS LITERALLY MADE OF NOODLES!" **The chow mein monstrosity told the chairbot.

"**Well geez, sorry!"**

"**You're excused!"**

"**Wait, what?"**

"**Don't listen to me!"**

"**HOW CAN I NOT!?" "YOU'RE THE ONLY THING HERE!"**

"**WHY DON'T WE BE FRIENDS!?"**

"**WHAT!?"**

"**YOU HEARD ME!"**

"**WELL...okay…?"**

"**Great!" "You and I can go destroy things together!"**

So the chow mein bot jumped 10 thousand miles north into Russia and was never heard from again.

"Okay, WTF was that?" Oak asked everyone.

"I think that was the collective power of all the Asian people." Hayden matter-of-factly stated.

"Ummm..shouldn't we go see what happened?" Oak asked Hayden.

"Sure! I'm really freaking hungry!"

So the chairbot jumped into Russia.

…aaaaaaand they jumped right out again.

Because inside was the remains of the once proud chowmeinbot.

What had killed it, however, was staring them in the face.

THE MOTHERFUCKING BEAR CALVARY!

So the chairbot did the only thing it knew how to do on its own.

It jumped in the air, turned into a chrill, dug itself a hole, and cried in it until the Bear Calvary went away.

Which it didn't.

Well, at least not until the next weekend came to pass.

###

**A/N: 2 things: If you want to know where chouls came from, go read 'Clean Thyself!' on my profile. Also, the story is so so **_**so**_** far away from being complete. At least, right now it is! :P**

**See ya next week! And as always, leave a review!**


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